"The Media Is The Devil!!!"

Citizens, Citizens! Here at Zu York City, me, Grizz, Jove, ???, and the indomitable Mr. Eric Michael all believe in informing the uninformed of real world events . . . when we're not talking about anything else, that is. No really, even though this is a blog and we have the right to talk about the dumbest shit imaginable (which we exercise regularly), we're still technically in the realm of media. And ooooohhhhh, do I hate media.
If anything, its more of a love/hate relationship, because in this Internet Age I couldn't really go anywhere or do anything without having to find out what the media has to offer on the subject. Media keeps me informed on sports, music, movies, art, literature, and everything else having absolutely NOTHING to do with world politics, because the news never know what the fuck's really going on; its really a large guessing game of sorts to keep the masses from realizing they don't have any more a clue than we do as to how it really works. Consider them cheerleaders, :). Its clear that I NEED the media as a whole. I certainly don't need certain aspects of it, however, and those aspects are obviously the work of the Devil. I don't want anything to do with them whatsoever, so the day I received Us Weekly in the mail, I freaked.

Oh hoh hoh hoh, don't try to pretend you can't recall what Us Weekly is. Females know all too well, males wish they could forget. I found out the same way most unsuspecting males find out: waiting in line at the grocery store. See, the owners of said grocery stores know that the one place you're most likely going to get stuck looking at stuff you're not in the least interested in is when you're in line, just trying to get home in time for Family Guy. This is the most opportune time for them to sell useless, shitty magazines that no sane person would ever spend money on (Sorry, Guera) because what else can you do to keep from getting impatient at the snail-slow cashier but read these abominations? It can only result in you being mericilessly enthralled by celebrity gossip or utterly disgusted at the nerve of it.
Now, its completely understandable that people would want to know what their favorite celebrities are up to; thats why MediaTakeOut.com is what that is. But even the mighty MTO takes it a little too far. Once you start seeing magazines spewing people's private lives just for profit, potentially fucking up their entire careers, you know that Hollywood is really not the place to be. I mean, have you SEEN Britney Spears of late? I've been trying to avoid looking at her at all, but I can't seem to make it out of H.E.B (or any other grocery store) without catching a glimpse of her doing something suggestively psychotic on a magazine cover. Sure, you can say its her fault for engaging in questionable activities while she's out in public, but there is no such thing as privacy for her. Have you ever seen how these criminals are able to take these "discreet" snapshots you see? They are literally torn down by paparazzi; it sort of resembles an antelope being dismantled by dozens of starving lions. There's no discretion at all, just 20 people with cameras running up to said celebrity's face and snapping away before he/she can reach for the mace. This is precisely why I think it should be perfectly legal to whoop that ass when a celebrity is hounded by the media. Its actually gotten so bad that one of my favorite websites, Cracked.com (check them out in the City Hall to the left) has refused to comment on her for the rest of her career, fearing they might drive her to suicide.

Take a second and read the headlines on these "Merchants of Chaos", if you will. If I was Angelina Jolie, I would have shot somebody by now. Brad Pitt seems to be sharing his entire love life with us. Jennifer Aniston downgraded to Vince Vaughn, then pulled a Brad move and started messing with John Mayer.


Adolescent girls such as the broade from High School Musical (forgive me for not Googling her name) can't even do common adolescent shit. I'm not saying EVERY girl takes pictures of herself naked and stuff . . . but have you seen MySpace lately? Yet, somehow it becomes a big deal for her. Britney Spears has gone crazy, Rihanna's cheating on Chris Brown with Travie McCoy, Nick Lachey won while Jessica Simpson stays losing, and Lindsay Lohan can't seem to make it through a SINGLE day in rehab. How do we know all of this? Well if it isn't from an "inside source" or a "pal" (WTF, how do these people pick their friends?) its lots and lots of speculation. I just saw an article that tried to claim Tom Cruise was physically abusive by using a picture showing him holding Katie Holmes upper arm firmly while walking. Now I'm not saying its not possible that he's abusive (the man is already insane) but to try to prove it off a singular photo?
Of course, there is nothing WRONG with speculation. I speculate all the time. The problem here is that they present speculation as the TRUTH, when its really just that: speculation. Ya dig?




Unfortunately, you don't need fame to have your business announced to the world for scrutiny. I remember when I was in elementary school and had to stay home sick. Those days were always spent watching talk shows with my mother; I'm talking classics like Ricki Lake, and Jenny Jones. Then there was Jerry Springer, the greatest of them all.

Of course, Jerry Springer is pretty much the epitome of trashy media, but he is excused for it because a) he was an ORIGINATOR and b) Jerry Springer was fully aware of what he was doing and wasn't pulling any punches. Jerry didn't really give a fuck what happened on his show, but that was the POINT. At the end of each episode, Jerry would give a speech that sounded just like the one he gave the day before, the overall message being: "We live in a fucked-up world, and its been like that for millenia. Deal with the shit, grin, and bear it."
There was no shadiness about that at all. People went on Jerry to fight. No one really went on there to SOLVE problems, and that was okay because there was no confusion about it either. Today's version of Jerry, however, may as well be the Prince of Darkness himself. While Jerry was undeniably human, MAURY is clearly a spawn from the depths of hell. MAURY. Its the only show on TV that competes with Us Weekly and Star as far as sleaziness goes. You have a middle-aged white man ruining as many as 20 different people's lives in one sitting, all while trying to act like he really cares. You see the flaw in this right? Its the PRETENSE that makes this man so evil. He pretends to be a kind-hearted person, but what kind-hearted person would profit from destroying families for years on end? This guy has "Who's the Baby's Father?" MARATHONS. Sure, one can say that its society's fault for actually showing up to this shit, but come on folks. There are such a thing as stupid people, and mankind has been cursed with an abundancy of them since day one. MAURY is a very intelligent person, and he is using his intellect to drive the cattle off the cliff. That should not be allowed, moreover not by a man who's faker than Angel Lola Luv.
Understand where Maury has put the field of Media. Journalists have always searched for the hottest topics to write about, but that was on the basis that these "hottest topics" were items people would really be interested in. The Maury Show's definition of the "hottest topic" is "anything that will allow people to sit at home and talk shit even though their lives are no better." The small group of people who actually PAY to go to a Maury Show disgust me. These are normal people, no better than the ones on stage, and yet they feel compelled to judge every mofo who walks in there with cheers and jeers. You always see down-and-out people watching Maury; the women who have 3 children by 3 different daddies, but still feel comfortable watching Maury because they "KNOW who THEIR baby's fathers are"; the couch potato husbands who sit at home drinking 40 oz. all day because "at least they're not abusing THEIR children"; the adolescent teen having UNPROTECTED sex with 4 or 5 people at the age of 17 because "that kid off Maury had sex 300 times before 15". These people all give themselves a false sense of security by looking down at disappointments. They hardly ever realize that unless you look up, you'll never realize how far you've fallen. You see what Maury is doing to you?










And in a sense, people are doing the same to their celebrities. I do admit there are some crazy socialites out there, but the media crucifies them to a point that can only be explained by society's need to look down on others, especially on those who that we put up on a pedestal in the first place. This is the sole reason behind the existence of Us Weekly. So next time you're standing in line at H.E.B. (or Wal-Mart, or Albertson's) pick up the newspaper instead. AND STOP WATCHING MAURY.

One Time For Your Mind.
ZuLou.