Stream of Consciousness: "Distress"

I'm sitting, watching Family Guy in the dark
while a Monster is chewing my Heart out of my Chest
. . .

. . .

No, this isn't a Sigourney Weaver movie
Just the wound left by the evils of Beauty
the Oilfires of Envy, flamed by Insecurities
and Fueled with Hatred
And in my rage, nothing is sacred
So FUCK YOU.

Sigh . . .

I realize life is hard. I've known that since I was born; its no mystery. But man . . . I've never had such a toll taken on my mentality as I have right nolw. I'm hurting on so many levels just to know that I've not only lost the battle, but I have inevitably lost the war, and now I'm forced to sit and watch my demise as this journey unfolds. I had only so much going for me; now I have nothing. Well, I do have something -- correction: some things -- but the magnitude of my problems eclipses my potential. I have several ideas on how to continue moving on in life, all of which seem fruitless as far as getting this Monster out of my chest. But how long will I play dumb?

SHIT!
I took the "Blue Pill" like a sucka
Immersed myself in the Matrix like this Shit was Real
Who am I convincing?
You're not fooling you, Me
Might be plugged into the Feed, but you won't Consume Me
I knew she . . .
She . . .
Who? . . . Who, B?

Forget about it, my nigga.
That's right; I'll just forget about it, my nigga.
Where them "Dolphins" at?

Sigh . . .

Really, the way I feel now is that the pain has been dealt, and I shouldn't stress about the past. Okay, I can do that. Now, how the fuck do you keep from stressing the Present? How do you keep from stressing the Future? Especially when both are out of your hands. Especially when gas prices remind you that you're struggling. And that those are guys aren't. You're the fucked up one, remember? Or is it just your life thats fucked up? Shit . . .

To achieve Perfection,
all Imperfections must be Removed
But if you take that approach to Life
What will you have left to Lose?

Answer: Just Your Life

Suicide is the dumbest way to lose your life, period. You want to die in a way thats gets no sympathy from me? Then kill yourself. I've never understood the reason why someone would want to end their own life. Read that last sentence one more time. The keyword there is "end." That's right motherfucker, its the end. You have just given up any chance you have of achieving happiness. It doesn't matter what your beliefs are, you're fucked any way, jailhouse style. Almost every major religion considers suicide a waste of life; Islam, Judaism, and Christianity all condemn suicide cases to hell. So if you're a religious person, offing yourself will not improve your life, so much as it will have you frying in Eternal Fire. Tsk tsk. And if you're Atheist, HEY!!! I'm sure you'll really be doing something productive decomposing in the dirt. Oh wait . . .
You see, people can not bring themselves comfort by killing themselves. It doesn't solve anything, and when considered logically, must be an act of psychosis. Sorry, but you have to be crazy to see everything the world has to offer, and to choose nothingness or Hell over all of that. So, if you're getting suicidal thoughts, fuck you. You don't even know what you have, whats been GIVEN to you, since the day your mother brought you into this world to be held in the arms of your father, with people, friends, enemies, EXPERIENCES, all there to give you a chance to prove your worth. Think about Life in its entirety, and understand what it is that you contemplate giving up. Cowardly piece of shit.

I'm sitting, watching Adult Swim in the dark,
and see the Challenge That Lies Before Me in the glow of the television

Say What?
Don't Get It? Pathetic . . .
Get this, If its Broken, Fix it
Mom taught her boy at least that much
So That's How I'm Bound To Live It
Where do you go but up
when Rock Bottom is three floors above
How do you NOT score that touch?

Sigh . . .

What can you do now but try to succeed where you have failed? Sure, there is that one problem that you have that you can't solve, and it will be resting on your mind everyday, but fact is, a lot of other problems are seriously wearing you down. As stressed as you are now, it would be safe to say that if you eliminated those other SOLVABLE problems, the load would be much lighter. Your life would improve a little as well, and you can think with a clear head. Wooossa. Life sucks, but this is a fact. After two decades, you should have had that shit figured out to the T. Make it better; what else is there to do? If you're trying to get somewhere, then GIT. Stop dwelling on the same shit that has had you stuck lately. Some shit you just have to leave alone to solve itself while you take care of everything else. And if the negative result occurs, guess what? It isn't the "end."

The End?

One Time For Your Mind.
ZuLou.